


Three, Two, One - Phan

by AntisocailIntrovert



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 02:50:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 17,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17215604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AntisocailIntrovert/pseuds/AntisocailIntrovert
Summary: The story goes as simple asThree: letterboxTwo: InboxOne: Lightboxdnp





	1. Thats our Dan

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This fic was originally on wattpadd but it's been slightly adapted and made better for here  
> Hope you enjoy

Dans pov  
HI MY NAME IS [DAN]  
The sky is a murky grey and light patters of crystal raindrops fall down. One. By. One.  
My fingertips are icy and cold as I grip onto the heaving bag of overflowing papers. My deadline for the paperound is in a few days so I really have to deliver these. I shove each individual paper through the stiff letterboxes of the houses. Number 9, 11, 13, 14, 15 wait, not 14.  
Shit.

I mentally facepalm myself realising that I managed to mess something as simple as this up ( me lol).  
What should I do, leave it, try and precariously get it out from the letterbox?  
I'm gonna have to ask for it back aren't I.  
Yep.  
Great, socialising.  
Frustrated but mostly anxious, I slowly walk my pastel ass towards the door of number 14. I prepare myself for the social suicide that I am about to commit and bring my shaking hand up to the door knocker.  
I knock three times, each louder than the last.  
Nothing.  
Maybe they're not home. I wait a few more seconds before I hear a Middle aged woman's voice yell "PHILLIP MICHAEL LESTER GO ANSWER THE DOOR".  
Wow, I'm glad my mum doesn't do that.  
An angsty, clearly very annoyed male voice replies "Oh my god mum your so embarrassing shut up".  
The sound of footsteps running down the stairs grows louder and nearer. My heart rate increases quicker than that moment when you're about to get eaten on Agar.io. My ears, body and whole entire existence focus on the sounds of the door unlocking.  
I really hope my Tourette's isn't too bad. I swear my tics have a mind of their own.  
The tall oak door opens to reveal a pasty male about the same age and height with charcoal hair (yes a fanfic that doesn't describe it as raven) His mouth slightly curves up at the corner into a sneaky smirk and his blue ocean eyes stare right into mine.  
Okay, I'm freaking out.  
Calm. Your. Gay. Butt. Down.  
I feel my cheeks glowing red and the suddenly realise the mysterious Phillip is waiting for a reason why a boy wearing an oversized pastel pink sweater, white-tight-bright jeans and a flower crown is at his door. I search my brain for words to say but it's more bank than when I'm in a test. Thanks, me.  
"  
I um accidentally posted a paper through your lady door, I'm doing a paper round you see DADDY-"  
My heart actually stops beating.  
Really.  
Of all the words I could have ticked I said, daddy.  
My eyes widen and I freeze like a deer in headlights.  
I hear a slight giggle and look over to see the boy WHO IS ONLY WEARING TROUSERS MAY I ADD with a massive smile on his face.  
"I'm so sorry, um, I was wondering if I could get it back." I stare back at him, waiting for a response or even an invitation to my funeral. Either is fine.  
"Yh of course, I'm Phil by the way. If you couldn't already tell. She can be so embarrassing sometimes."  
He says as he bends down to get the paper.  
Dontlookathisassdontlookathisass.  
"Dan" I reply unsure of life and it's meaning.  
He stands up like a graceful swan and hands me the paper, still with that smile on his face. I mutter a quiet thanks and give my signature awkward smile and turn to leave.  
I walk out the door, my legs shaking with each step.  
Welp that's enough of life for me today.  
Wig.  
Snatched.  
For some reason, I still can't get that smile out of my head. I can't decide whether I need to post papers through the wrong door more often or crawl into a pit.  
Whichever, something tells me I will be seeing Phil again.


	2. DU. DU .DU

*Phils rad music plays*  
Phils POV  
I walked up toward the school gate my hair still slightly messy from the (lady) door incident. My hair gelled in its normal quiff as the smell of Linx filled the air as I sprayed the nearly empty can on my body. It was cold outside so I was wearing black skinny jeans with a white Adidas t-shirt and my signature red jacket with two lines going from the top of the shoulder down to each wrist. After my mum screamed my name in my ear as I carried on walking I saw that guy again, not like he was any interest to me he was .. well different I mean if I got caught hanging around with him. God, I'd be dead. (Nearly as dead as vine ) well, I shoved my earphones over my head blasting out some drake while I waited for my friends to arrive. I search through my bag to find the missing homework from last week for geography class. God the teacher hates me. I rummage around to find nothing. Great Phil well done . You're going to get killed.  
Form time was just as boring as any other time I mean I had my friends to chat too but everyone else's form seemed to always have fun stuff happening. After the treacherous 15 mins of waiting and pure boredom. We headed off to G E O G R A P H Y, the words kinda played over in my head as we waited outside and lined up. I still question myself why did I take geography. Eugh stupid Phil . "Hi, Phil !" Sarah shouted, I literally felt like the whole world saw it. Like the viral video of that Texas boy singing everyone knows it. She kissed me again. Not that I had a problem with it but it was literally couldn't have been any worse time. Even my geography teacher saw I felt humiliated. I kept myself together and laughed it off.  
The class was dull and full of posters about stupid rocks and countries. The teacher asked me where my homework was almost instantly as she saw me .. what excuse this time Phil I thought as if we could literally read each other's minds. I just blatantly said I did do it because let's be honest I wasn't going to do it anyway and I might as well just have the detention and get it over with.  
I looked in my pocket for a pen or pencil to literally find n o t h I n g . Let's just say at the moment I look liked I nearly dropped my croissant. Fuck, I almost felt the colour wash from my face. No homework and now this. Well done Phil, played in my head as the clapping emojis were like all I could see. I saw that enthusiastic pastel guy at the table beside me . " hey, I think we met earlier, I see u have a pencil case full of stuff do you by any chance have a spare pencil ?" "Please ?" He kinda looked at me gone out like as if I was actually talking to him. Geez, I just wanted a pencil after a min he handed me a pastel yellow pencil with a white stripe along the bottom. "Thanks " I replied and he just smiled. I guess it must be hard for him shouting out and saying things for no reason it got worse when he was nervous hence why the teacher never asked him questions nor did he put his hand up. His hand firmly flush against his mouth at nearly all time trying to stop words getting out he was just "PHIL LESTER " my name was shouted I jolt up looking around to see her staring at me intensively as if to answer a question I had no clue what it was . " can u repeat the question please " I said smiling nervously at her . " where is the mantle located in a volcano " . "Just below the crust, I replied " I didn't know whether it was right or whether she gave up on me as she didn't say anything else surprisingly.  
I left the class but just before remembering to give the pastel guy his pencil back before walking out an arm around Sarah and her head leaning into me.


	3. One of thr drunks

Dans P.O.V  
Kinda smutty lol sorry not sorry  
I feel warm sensations as lips trickle along my neck.  
I arch my back to lean into it when the pressure increases from a kiss to a painful suck and morphing into a seductive nibble.  
This is it.  
I'm happy.  
I look up to see a luscious ginger strand of hair dangle from Ron Weasley's head. Writing this makes me so uncomfortable oof  
He turns his freckled face to mine and smiles with his crooked lips.  
Oh, them lips.  
A wave of relief comes over me as I finally feel the building pleasure inside me release. The wet liquid spreads through my member and soaks into the bedsheets.  
Beep beep beep beep beep beep  
The sound of my alarm brings me out of my... whatever that just was.  
I roll my eyes into my brain remembering that I have to go the hell hole of education.  
Ugh.

At least I will see Phil again.  
Should I be happy about that?  
Am I even happy about that?  
I honestly don't know, but there's just something about him.  
My brain is telling me.  
*insert welsh accent*  
N O DANIEL HE IS JUST A TYPICAL HEARTLESS BADBOY THAT IS NOT WORTH THINKING ABOUT.  
NOT.  
WORTH.  
IT.  
Whereas my heart is like  
*insert soft angelic voice*  
Go, my sweet child.  
Run into his lynx engulfed arms and kiss him so hard you forget about that basic ass stereotypical Ron Weasley wet dream you had but won't accept.  
Let's GET READY FOR SCHOOL NOW

Traumatised and concerned for my mental health, I finally manage to roll my left leg over the bed and onto the floor.  
Halfway there, Dan.  
Come on.  
You can do it.  
Then the other leg reluctantly follows.  
Why am I out of breath?  
A hundred yh when getting out of bed makes you out of breath.  
I stand up and half sleepwalk around my room to find my typical white jeans.  
I throw on a pastel blue t-shirt and a matching sequin bomber jacket.  
I look in the mirror and as I do every morning, and suddenly feel a growing pain of sadness arise from my heart.  
I analyse the same flaws that make me hate the body I was born in.  
Before I get too down I turn away from the figure staring back at me and grab my school bag.  
I run downstairs and out the door.  
I yeet to school and I hear the obnoxious bell ring, think I lost a few more ear hairs than normal today.

Not a moment too soon I walk through the door and head to maths.  
I make my way through the crowd of not so familiar faces before seeing one that stands out.  
For some reason, I feel relief in seeing the tall figure ahead.  
Our eyes meet, but only for a second.  
"See you in class" he mouths before turning away towards Sarah.  
I see her pull on his Adidas jacket and push her lips against his.  
Contaminating him.  
I don't know what happens next because I turn away, my heart sinking like the titanic  
and the broken pieces shatter even more as they fall.  
Sometimes things are just beyond repair.  
I then walk through the door of m8 (my maths room) and take my seat at the back of the class.  
Before I even get a chance to open my book, I already hear the names start to be called.  
The usual clique of bullies gather around a table and open their goddamn mouths again.  
"FAGGOT"  
" OI GAY BOY DID YOU GET SOME? OR WAS IT JUST YOUR LEFT HAND AGAIN"  
I tilt my heavy head down, trying to ignore their laughs echoing inside my head.  
Once I've managed to hold in my tears I look up again to see Phil and Sarah, holding hands like the fucking perfect couple they are, walking along past everyone.  
They both go sit with the dickheads that shouted at me earlier.  
Sarah then turns me and shouts  
" HAVE YOU GOT ANY NEW TICS YET YOU PASTEL PERVERT"  
a cackle rises from her vile mouth as she turns back to the group and they all join in.  
all  
but  
one  
My vision blurs with the tears, but I manage to see the blue-eyed boy who doesn't look impressed.  
In fact, he looks really angry. I cower down further into my seat, eyes locked the group still.  
He stands up, his chair tipping over as he does so.  
"SHUT UP YOU BITCH"  
He spits the words out like acid and walks away before she storms out.  
One of the boys immediately runs after her shouting "Sarah wait up!"  
My heart stops as my eyes turn to Phil,  
Who is striding towards me. His eyes look full of fire yet so soft at the same time.  
His pace slows down to a stop as he reaches my lonely desk he bends down towards me  
And that's when I freeze  
His long arms wrap themselves around me, pulling me into a warm embrace.  
I melt into him and take in the powerful scent of his signature lynx.  
He holds on a lot longer than I expected before whispering into my ear, causing me to fall further under his spell.  
I'm in too deep now  
"Don't worry princess, I won't let them hurt you"  
The word lingered in my mind, but soon disturbed by yet another voice.  
this time not for  
"THAT SUPPOSED TO BE YOU RUNNING AFTER SARAH. YOU DO KNOW HES GAY RIGHT? YOUR GONNA CATCH HIS GAYNESS!"  
"SO WHAT IF HE IS!" Phil replies before storming out.  
My mind struggles to process what in the hell just happened.

he rest of the lesson is a blur.  
What used to be my teacher's voice just became a muffled addition to the noises in my subconscious.  
Usual people around me, now just specks in my blurred vision.  
My mind, however,  
My mind is a very dangerous place to be.  
And right now I can't stop thinking about Phil. The fact that he stuck up for me like that. I can't understand it at a l l. Why would he want to?   
And calling me princess?  
Don't even get me fucking started.  
Not a moment too soon, a familiar sound played in my ears. A sound that either brings dread or joy,   
the school bell.  
*  
insert dramatic DUN DUN DUNNN*  
You can bet your third cousins left toe I was the first to yeet out that door.  
I didn't see Phil for the rest of the day.   
But I couldn't help but hear about a party that everyone is on about.   
No one knows who's party it is, of course, but there's not been more hype about a party than this one.  
e v e r.  
All of my friends were going and Pj managed to get me to go.  
"Oh come on Danny PLEASEEEEE. It won't be fun without you" he said  
Lies. They just feel sorry for me.  
"Okay fine I'll come. Wait is Phil going?"  
"BYE DAN SEE YOU THERE"  
"Wait Peej don't-"   
And he left talking to Chris.  
Looks like I'm going to a party


	4. Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off

Phils POV  
Parties. They were loads of fun, generally, they consisted of drugs sex and alcohol. Sleazy. Everyone was banging on about this party, we didn't know who's it was like, but if everyone else was there I was gonna be there too. I was gonna make it better, well that's what everyone said to me to make me come.

I'm still thinking about what I said to that boy, what was I doing, I mean the lads were in the wrong they had no right to do that.   
Let's get a suitable shirt then. I pull out a plait shirt it's red. Perfect I think for this occasion. I grab my stranger things jacket, well that's what everyone calls it. I spray a cloud of linx and walk into it And begin to head towards the door to put my black high top vans on until my mum approaches me. "Promise me you'll be safe sweetie, don't get up to much trouble and come back before 1 am " ugh she could be annoying sometimes "yes mumm " I groan as yeet out the door. I slam it behind me   
It was about a 10 min walk to the party and it's already started. They say the best always come last. I didn't want to be first as I knew it would just attract attention to me. Which is something I don't particularly want, I wondered who would be there. I mean I've heard that everyone is gonna be. Oh Sarah might be, I should probably apologise but she should have done that to the pastel boy. Wait I should really learn his name, will he be here, oh god, it's not that it's a problem it's just that well what are my friends gonna think. 

The blue door is now in front of me and I can hear the head banging music inside, this is gonna be a long night I think to myself, I knock on the door and hear no response. So I just decide to walk In the open door. Oh, how I found out where it was there were posters all up around school, stupid I know. Teachers tried taking em down failed in an attempt   
The music is so loud as I walk over to the corner to try and find James. Who I see is talking to Damien, who is also talking to Sarah. I walk over towards them, they give me a dirty look and scoff as I walk towards them "I'm sorry guys " I say none of them was bothered. They thought I was one of the gay kids. 

walks up to me and stares at me with her eyes, her resentful eyes. I try to grab her hand but notice it's blocked by another. Damiens. ( dammm danielll) she looks at me as I look at her in disgust. "Sorry Phil Lester looks like someone else is better than you " she laughs, my heart drops but feels lighter in a way I'm not sure how tho. My mind is in a swirl so I shout "how dare you, were you cheating on me !" I basically scream "maybe I was Phil but you weren't the one who came running after me eh? Your just another one of them gay pricks!" I feel like I want to slap her but I resist not to and walk away. They're both laughing and to my shock, I see that pastel guy again he's smiling at me, he's the last thing I could be doing with right now. I walk over to Ryan. He's looking at me in shock and to my surprise, he starts talking to me. I knew near enough everyone and I could get what I wanted easily. 

suppose lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off 

After a few drinks have been handed over to me and burnt the back of my throat with their acidic burn I feel a little less, with it. And Ryan's words are all a blur, no one bothers me now as we walk outside. To the patio where there's a couple more of Ryan's friends all smoking, he offers me one at first I say no as I knew it wasn't the right thing to do. But I accept in the end as the pain and anger in me is building up and I'm scared I'm not going to be able to hold it In anymore before I hit someone. After one puff I feel the burning reach my lungs, quite soothing actually, I see a glimpse of pink near the window but when I turn around it's not there. I must be seeing things. 

I feel lightheaded and everything's a blur. I was dancing and drinking more of whatever it was, cheap stuff like cheap rum and some other rubbish. I'm drunk as hell and high as fuck. My mums gonna kill me it's already 12 pm and I had no plans on going home yet. I feel a warm hand on my shoulder I push it off to begin with until it helps me up. I had no clue who it was I could only see a pink blur. I was mumbling about nothing until a splash of cold water hits my face. I look up to see the pastel guy helping me. What the fuck, my friends, well they aren't my friends are they, there's no going back now I think, eugh he's my only hope of getting home alive. He's mumbling words under his breath as we are walking down the cold road towards my house. He's shaking I groan at him to take my jacket and he does. Poor him it smells of alcohol, booze, drugs and a slight hint of linx . He's basically carrying me as my legs don't want me to move any longer. He's still making noises such as " fuck " dad " "toast " he was one strange kid but nice as well " wh y are youuuu helllping me e " I manage to pour out before emptying my stomach onto the path catching some of the boys light blue trainers. I mumble sorry to him I didn't mean it . " it's okay, toast - phil , I'm not - fuck - best either " I hear him say as we approach the door " thank you , bu t whyy didd yoou helppp me " "because your a good guy Phil Lester " he says before my mum opens the door in shock too 1. See me high and drunk 2.with spit foaming around the edges of my mouth and some sick on my top 3. A boy basically carrying me and wearing my jacket and is basically a pastel . " thankyou you sweet boy for bringing him home , normally his friends leave him till 2 am and I have to go get him, wait what's ur name ?" " Daniel-l , well dadd- dan " he says stumbling the words out and handing me my jacket back which I give straight to my mum. Who pulls me inside . " thank you dan " I mumble before rushing to the downstairs toilet to be sick again . " bye " my mum says before shutting the door and letting dan walk home on his own . " bye"


	5. Fur Elise

Dans POV   
the crowd's sounds surround me the feeling almost making me nauseous. I can hear the quiet chatter coming from inside the auditorium. I'm standing outside watching everyone go in now. Waiting for me to entrance afterwards. Supposedly I have the most important part I'm the opening act. Piano as always. Playing Für Elise, it was so beautiful and the thing is with playing I didn't have to embarrass myself in front of anyone or say something I'd regret. When I played I felt at ease and nothing could stop me. I was at peace.   
Everyone has entered and I'm following the last person in darting off towards the backstage. wait is that fucking Phil Lester sitting on the end row at the front. Fuck, I can see him when I walk past the entrance. Now I do feel like I'm going to be sick. I look in the mirror me dressed in a pair of light blue jeans. Atoll converse and mustard long sleeved top. I'm shaking now. For god sake why was he here. Oh wait that's why it said Clara Lester on the list, to be honest, I thought it was coincidence more than that it was his fucking sister. She was good too! I pace around the teachers looking at me as If something's wrong . Something is very wrong.   
Right dan keeps calm don't get clapped okay okay you can do this. I splash my face with water to wake me up before I'm about to go on stage. The audience chatter quite down to an almost silent hum. The sound of my shoes clicking against the floor is the only sound audio able. I sit on the old creaky seat which needs oiling. All my hairs are sticking up even though, this was the easiest and most calm thing I could do talking was much worse. I placed my hands on the keys of the old piano and I can already feel the good vibe I get from it. I'm all most instantly calm. I'm oblivious to all the people except him. Him in the far left corner front row. He looked beautiful, stunning and perfect.   
I press the first key making a quite sound before it speeds up to more of a beautiful rhythm. A song has the power to take over you and take you into a world of trance. My finger hit the keys with passion and motive. I remember my name being called out at the start " Daniel Howell " I preferred it when they used my full name it sounded better. More professional. The sound of the keys soothes my aching arm from the vigorous shaking earlier. My foot presses down on the pedals holding the sound of the keys as I reach the best part where it loops again and again. And my heart is almost beating in the time of the music. Something beautiful and powerful takes over me.   
My song comes to a steady halt as the last key is played. The sounds of claps surround me as I breathe heavily out of my chest realizing the worst is over. I only had to wait for everyone else to do their piece then I could go home. Once the claps died down I headed off stage and looked over at the audience to catch a glimpse of him. He smiled at me mouthing well done. I smile greatly back at him. Realising I had done well.   
My phone was pretty boring by now it had been an hour and my part had finished so I was a little bored of looking through Instagram and texting my grandma how it went. She was always proud of me no matter what. I smile at the thought of her she was a pretty lady had really good skin for her age. A world without her would not be the same. "You are all done for the day" I sigh happily as I can leave I didn't really know what I was waiting for as my parents couldn't come to watch, they'd seen me many times before tho "thankyou have a nice evening" I'd managed to spit out the words really well . Probably because I was relaxed and calm. I push the door out and head to start to walk home but I was stopped by a boy with his hand on my shoulder. At first, I thought it was a teacher or someone saying well done. It was a shock to see them tho.   
"What - t the fuck do, toast, you, fuck, you're doing," I blurt out. Them just laughing my face,   
Damien   
Sarah   
Ryan   
They spit at me causing a ball of wetness on my face. "Your a toast looser" Ryan mocked. It was dark and it all seemed too tense for me. I would be lying if I said I was scared I was petrified. I know what they can do. "Le-twat- ave me alone" I mumble out trying to get them to stop. My arms shaking more than before now as they hold me in a tight grip and pull me to a side. I scream but it's muffled as Damien has his hand over my mouth. I'm tempted to lick him but I resist the urge as it will make things worse. "Your a little shit you know that your a fucking gay perv," Sarah says spilling her harsh words over me. A tears form in my eyes as their grip is tightening and their words cut me like a knife. "You little gay princess boy, your pathetic " Damien shoots at me. "Sto-t t t"I say before my words are cut off by a punch coming towards me towards my face my body and everywhere. I can feel the marks they're leaving as each hit numbs my black and blue body even more. Causing me to wimp in pain. "The gay pervs getting turned on! Ha" Sarah says before letting the boys finish me off. She stares at me shooting and spitting harsh painful words at me. And Ryan with his powerful hits bruising my body. Sarah walks closer and smirks at me "thanks for taking Phil off my hands he was a pain anyway, he'll get what he deserves soon enough" the words hurt me more than anything else has, I scream as another punch hits my already bruised body. Making the tears roll down my face. They've got me. Damien holding one arm and Sarah the other. Pinning me down waiting for me to black out. I kick my legs as an attempt to push away. I scream louder hoping someone could hear me. Toast wasn't a great thing to scream tho. They mocked me every time I tried to do something every time I tried to say something words would just be a jumble and fall out my mouth. I can see the fuzzy night in my eyes the moon fading away as I scream again. My eyes filled with tears begging for help


	6. kids in the dark

That beautiful orchestra boy crunched up, his body bruised and battered. With deep purple marks up his legs for all the wrong reasons. His beautiful, rich, auburn eyes swelling with tears. Begging, screaming for someone to help him. Silence speaks a thousand words.

Phil pushes the boys off Dan. Them all scoffing at him and hitting him. Dan looking up at the boy who may save him, "go the fuck away and stay off him you pricks" Phil shouts, spilling all his emotions out in one hit across Ryan's face. The bruise was Turing Black already and his fists throbbed from the impact. Ryan was angered his face was a violent red and Sarah's full of anger "We're not done with you, you pathetic pedo and your pastel pervert", your pastel boy. phil gulped down his feelings for the moment as he knew he would be in so much more trouble if he replied back or cried. 

The lads walk of with Sarah leaving two broken boys alone. Phil instantly goes to hug Dan. Both boys sobbing silently on each other's shoulders. Dan feels sorry for Phil and thanks him endlessly because that boy saved his life, his sobs making Phil's jacket wet. The boy could have got killed. Phil's face was bleeding and he didn't care. Because he knew the only thing that mattered was how right the boy felt in his arms. He loved how it felt and how right it seemed. Not noticing that Sarah had now got a video of both of them. He didn't want to break the hug so instead, he grabbed on tighter to brown haired boy gripping the back of his muddy mustard sweater. Falling deeper into him, His sobs becoming a little louder, as all of his emotions flowed out. Dan caressed Phil's hair rubbing his hand through it as a way to calm the crying boy down in his arms.   
The boys left tear marks on each other's clothes gripping on to one and other for dear life as they were all each other had left. To them, the outside world was oblivious as they had their world in their arms.


	7. Losing my life

Phils POV  
I look around us no one to be seen. I look dan straight in the eyes. His eyes full of fear and sadness, his beautiful body broken up and me just holding him. What could I do he was in such a mess. It was like 9 pm by now and my sister had gone home. I told her I would meet her home. When I saw Dan 

I Wanted to talk to him after the show and congratulate him for doing so well. But I couldn't find him someone had said he'd already left. So I decided to have a looks round to see if he was still on turf. I managed to find him along with some others. Eugh they were so pathetic. I could smell their cheap perfume and aftershave from a mile away. I was so mad at what they did to Dan. They deserved it back. So I hit them apart from Sarah. I just spat my words out to her. And told her everything how she just made me love her for the money and gifts. It hurt to lie because I wasn't really straight... I used her as well, as a cover-up. And yet again I was covering everything up with more lies. Like my mum drags me to hell every Sunday. And brings me home and lectures me about how I should behave and how I should love and act. But she doesn't care about my happiness! She thinks I'm going to grow up and be a footballer or a rich man working for Apple. Instead, I want to be a weatherman or get an English degree and teach people what it's really like to live and make them happy and let them be themselves. 

But yet again I was torn between this boy I loved and my mother's words. The words she shoved down my throat every Sunday and they burnt me. They burnt every part of my body, it felt like my body was on fire, from the words she spat at me. "Never date a man, you will be come a footballer, you have the right physique." That's not what I wanted tho! Why didn't she realise?  
I pick myself up dan help dan up too. Realising his sobs have stopped "let me -shiz- walk you home" Dan said. I smile at him and that's enough to let him know he can. He smiles back our arms touching as we walk in the cool breeze. Every time our arms touch my hairs stand on end. I shouldn't be feeling this but I am. I try to forget it but I can't. The feeling is too strong. I want to just leap into his arms and never let go. I want to kiss his little face and all of his cuts better . I could tell my mum I just walked into a lamppost but she won't believe me and have to cover me in her sticky greasy foundation as she doesn't want her precious boy looking a mess she overreacts a lot!  
We're getting closer to my house, an uneasy feeling was coming over me I felt nauseous again. Just like the first time we walked back to him, although this time I wasn't high or drunk. I was bruised and batted and falling in love. With the silent boy next to me.  
He looks at me just as we reach my house. The temptation to kiss him is unbelievable but we're right outside my house. He looks at me again, and leans in towards me. I felt so bad having to push him away, the look on his face killed me. His eyes which speak every word of his droop and filled with sadness as he feels like he's been rejected. " Dan I'm sorry, it's not that I don't like you, because I do, it's because of my mother if she sees, I'm dead. Please when the time is right. ." I felt so guilty. I grab his hand unconsciously and intertwine out fingers, But after realising our fingers were intertwined I almost immediately pulled them apart, I loved him with every muscle. But it would take more than that to fight back my mum. I realised the mistake I've done. I fell in love with a beautiful boy the complete opposite to me. "It's okay Phil, - spork- one day everything will be alright" "thank you dan for everything". I mouthed before turning around to face my house. I felt a large lump in my throat as I swallow harshly. Looking at the window, my mother glaring angrily at me with hatred and disgust  
in her eyes. As I walk towards the house, guilty of everything. I'm sorry dan


	8. Dont go

Two days.  
It's been two days since,

I have seen Phil,  
Love flowed through my fingertips as our hands touched,  
Him and I were together, treasuring every second in each other's company.

Two days since I've been happy.  
After I left his house, my heart shattered and still on his doorstep, I walked forward until I found somewhere to clear my mind.  
And I kept walking.  
Finally, I found a peaceful park beside a lake. I sit down, still unsure about how I feel.   
Numb. 

Numb is how I feel.  
I get that Phil needed to be careful around his Mum, but couldn't we have just had a proper goodbye around the corner?  
I know I sound naive, but I really felt like that day meant something. I've never had someone to help pick me up after being beaten before.   
I've gotten used to just scraping myself back together.  
Yet he never responded when I tried to message him.   
He didn't answer any of my calls.   
I miss him so much.   
School is tomorrow and I'm so scared to see him. Will I even see him?

the next day*

Same old routine.  
I get up.  
Want to ignore the voices, but don't.  
Help myself to an apple, but put it back.  
Then I walk to school, my Mum nowhere to be seen, and head inside.  
I walk to where Phil's locker is and plan to wait there, but he was already there taking his books out.  
He looked to different though.  
He wasn't wearing his usual clothes, but dark and almost as if he wanted to be unnoticeable.  
I blurt out " Phil! Hi, I've missed you so much. What did your Mum say-  
Before I could finish he sends me a piercing look straight in the eye and walks straight past me.  
I felt every crack.  
Don't go  
I can't do this on my own.


	9. Stressed out

"My name is blurry face and I care what you think"  
"And now I'm insecure and I care what people think"  
"Wake up you need to make money "  
"Wish we could turn back time"  
"Too the good old days"  
"Sang us to sleep"  
"Stressed out"

I want to hide, hide amongst the other souls in this world. I don't want to be seen again. I want to hide my feeling and thoughts from the outside world. I want to curl up and never be seen again. Dreams are dead. My hopes of happiness and joy have faded. The face that I used to see has faded. The rad Phil Lester, more like dead Lester . . . My eyes are puffy and swollen from the crying. My clothes no red, blue or green in site. Black. Black that fills my mind and my skin and most of all my heart. I didn't want to end up like this. But the feelings and emotions are strong and raging around me. My skin feels like paper and my organs are just black pen drawings that have been crossed out and redrawn in a new place. My heart feels like it's been crushed up thrown in the bin and some tipex covered it up and drew a new one, a black one with an endless heart that goes on to infinity. And only one person can patch it up and repair it forever. Dan Howell. The little pastel boy who only lives inside my head and dreams now.


	10. This is how i dissapear

Phils POV  
The corridors are cold and empty, the odd person walking in and out of the approaching doors. The weekend was hell. Like literal hell, my body is numb, from the purple-ish marks up my arms and chest. My legs burn from the hell she placed me in. My mouth can still taste the soapy liquid. Even though I brushed twice. 

The blue locker which is cold to touch slowly opens as I pull on it. The creaking sound echoing down the halls. A few more people had started to arrive. I place my black bag onto the ledge inside the locker and find the books I need. Science, maths, English, geography and the piece of homework due in for today. Shockingly I'd actually done it, the teacher will probably have a heart attack.

I place the blue, green and orange books in my bag. I look around to see if anyone's noticed me, no. I'm wearing all black a long-sleeved t-shirt to cover my bruises and a jumper that gave me sweater paws. And as usual black jeans but with no rips In. I wanted to blend in. There was a group of kids called the depressed duo they never were depressed they just acted like it they were happy really. And no there wasn't just two of them. Maybe I'd blend in with them or should I just be alone? Or shall I just spend the rest of my days in the bathroom hiding from everyone and looking at the splodges of words on the back of the cubicle door that a teacher tried to rub off and failed? The mushed up tissue thrown on the ceiling which was going to fall down at any minute. Maybe I'd sit out maths or geography. Probably geography, I hate geography and dan was in my class too next to me basically. 

Speak of the devil here he is, he looked relieved to see me ."Hey Phil, I've missed you so much, what did your mum -" he was beautiful in his cute little jumper that went down past his waist and his little white skinny jeans, but I knew I had to disappear. I look at him so horribly and blatantly ignore him, I walk straight past him. I saw him crack before I had finished my last stride of hope. His face all most bleeding at what I'd done. Had I turned into a bad person? The kind of person I had a reputation for ? . He banged his head against the locker, shoving his fist into the cold weak metal frame. I shouldn't have done that. He has such a perfect life, him and his little manly paper round maybe he should grow up a little and realise the world is full of shit people. But I couldn't help that I was falling in love with that boy . And my mum told me I can't, it's not right, your just as bad as the rest of them, you didn't turn out right, you faggot, 

The corridors are all empty and I'm walking alone, my only friends are the ones inside my head , the ones that are telling me what my mum said. I'm annoyed and I'm upset, I'm mad at her for not loving me for who I am, I'm annoyed that dan tried to kiss me, I'm annoyed at the fact I held his hand. But I couldn't help it, I couldn't help but feel sorry for Dan who I was ignoring since I came to school. I'm upset because my mum hurt me , I've been beaten up before but never have I ever felt pain like I did until over the weekend , she was mad at me for touching a boy like that and she was mad at me for sticking up for him ! Dan was the only person who cared . My legs burn , there hot and all I want to do is sit in ice . There a bright pink . She was trying to tell me what hells like and if I loved a boy that's where I'd go . She was very very religious. It runs in the family really . 

The bathroom, it's painted blue, -stereotypical- and the 4 urinals are covered in mud and urine. The smell of sulfur lingering in the air, the three toilet cubicles lined up next to each other with a thin plastic door separating each one. I push the plastic door open which creeks and wines as it slowly opens ajar. I walk in checking the floor first and putting the lid down on the toilet. I was not going to sit on the floor, surprisingly they were clean, well it must have been that they had been cleaned over the weekend and it was an only first period on a Monday. From time to time I head the air freshener squirt from the automatic device. Making me a little startled when I wasn't expecting it. My phone was a little boring and didn't have many games on and I had hardly any data. I search through my bag for some homework to do. At least I was still working, my mind was just elsewhere tho. I hear footsteps walk in then walk straight out. It's only been 20 mins I can't go into class now it will look stupid. The only option is to sit out the other 40 and wait for the bell. I doodle on the back of my old humanities book, drawing a small person with a head full of words and cute little hair strands. I'm surprised Sarah hasn't sent me death threats yet, after everything. 

The door footsteps come back again, only this time they don't go away. I saw the light blue converse from under the door and I instantly know who it is. He's the only one who wears light blue converse. I pull my legs up toward my chest I don't want him to see me. My eyes are a little puffy and tired because I didn't sleep well and I had been crying after my burns were heating up and I couldn't do anything. It was so painful. He walked in the cubicle next to me and walked back out after a couple of seconds. Maybe he knew I was in here, he washed his hands the sound of fast running water splashing the sink. I thought he turned anyway towards the door but I realised he hadn't when his light blue shoes were poking under my door.   
"Phil I know you're in there"


	11. Fuck you and all your friends

My heart still aching, I go to geography.

Without Phil.

I could not focus on anything the teacher had to say, instead, I just sat there thinking as to why Phil would be so cold towards me.   
The lesson was dragging on for what seemed like forever, that was until it happened.  
One of my best friends, Pj, turned around towards me.

I really didn't expect it tbh, we almost never talk anymore.  
" Hey Dan, are you okay? I know I've not seen you much but you look really sad. I hope everything's good." He said in such a caring voice.  
"I'm just worried about Phil, TOAST, he ignored me."  
"Yh that's normal for Phil, he's always in a mood. Don't worry about it, Dan."  
There was something so reassuring about Pj's words. 

But I still had to find out. I knew exactly where he would be.   
The toilets. 

As I excuse myself from Geography, I push onto the tall blue door that leads to the toilets. Yes, I was nervous, but I knew it had to be done.  
Immediately I heard the soft breathing of the young male.

I've found him.  
I heard the breathing of the noir haired boy. His breathing shaky and quick but quietened down as I walk into the toilet next to him.   
Of course, he was going to be in here there was nowhere else he would be. He wasn't in geography and I had a gut feeling something was wrong . I didn't want to leave him. Ye Phil misses lessons from time to time. But this time it felt different he wouldn't miss more than 20 mins or Sommet. This time it felt wrong like he had another reason to do it. He probably knew it was me who walked in. As I'm literally the only one in light blue converse these days. I think it's quite fashionable personally.   
I walk out of the toilet nearly as quick as I walked in. No reason in particular, then I washed my hands. I thought about my next move many times and. Nearly decided to go out the door. After the water running for a solid minute, I turned it off and grabbed some paper towels and walked towards the first toilet. "Phil I know you're in there "  
He let out a sigh, I'm assuming he didn't want me there. I cared about him so I wasn't going to leave without an answer. The thing is I knew something was up 

"Dan leave me alone" 

The words hurt yes yes they did, but I wasn't actually going to leave him. I didn't want to see his pretty eyes sad, I wanted to make them happy.  
"Phil I just want - toast - to help okay, let me in please ." 

He didn't budge and nor did the door he still sat on the toilet. Holding his breath almost to make me think he's not actually here.  
"Phil pleaseee" 

I say my voice juddering as I'm scared my turrets will kick in again. Please not now. 

"Leave me the fuck alone Dan"

This time the words hurt More, this time it felt like a stabbing pain and my chest being ripped open. Only to find nothing but an empty cage of bones. I hated hearing the pain in his voice but yet the anger was the most dominant one , why was he being like this. All I wanted to do was help. He helped me right, surely it's time to give him something back. 

"Dan I said leave me alone, that means fucking leave"

He's hurting me the more he speaks. I look at the door as If he can see me. I bash my hand on the door. Almost begging him to come out, I'm scared of what he'll do. What if he doesn't make it, would it be my fault?   
"Phil don't- fuck- go-"   
"Dan go else I'll message Damien and tell him where you are .." was he really using that against me, was he really fucking using that against me. That's so pathetic, and Sometimes I don't know why I wasted my time on him.   
"Fine !" 

I slam the bathroom door shut the noise echoing through the next room. I mumbled words under my breath as I left the bathroom tears forming in my eyes and a large amount of anger building up inside me. My bones aching because of the pain yet my head hurting from the hits off the wall. 

I loved that boy.


	12. Still into you

Phils POV  
I remember when he slammed the door as he left, I remember the hurt in his voice, how could I let him stay close to me when all I was told was to push him away. That was the problem I'd hurt him more lying to him then telling him the truth, such a great friend I was. 

I'm sitting on the grass it's late autumn so I'm basically the only one sitting on the grass. I'm pulling out strands of it and chucking them in-font of me. When I too, Dan to leave me alone, I didn't think I'd be seeing this. 

He'd obviously ran to PJ in sorrow and PJ have him all of that. I wasn't jealous, well maybe I was but I didn't realise I'd be sitting here alone watching them flirt with each other like no one cared. Well, no one was stopping them.

I'm still throwing grass in front of me, I'm trying to take the anger out on something else instead of a person or a brick wall, I remember the last time I did that. Cuts up my hand. I was alone basically, didn't really seem many points trying to befriend Damien and Sarah again. It was pointless. They didn't care about me and I didn't really like them either. 

I miss when I and Dan used to talk. It wasn't for long but even in the silence, it wasn't awkward. And now by the looks of it, he's pretty much gone out of my reach. He was very kind and caring, he was was a pretty boy too. Yet I'd come so close yet so far from him.   
And   
It's my mum's fault 

I'd had enough of watching the sick pastel boy flaunt around with his ungrateful friend, so I left. I wasn't going to stick around watching them flirt and do things I always wanted. 

I punched the wall as I walked past towards the back of art . My knuckles bleeding and my skin scraped around the tops of them. It didn't hurt, it was just sore and a bit of a mess really. I couldn't be myself no matter what I tried to do, I couldn't just come out to everyone as gay. 

My mum would not agree

I'd be lying if I wasn't still into you 

Of course, I was going to go to my next lessons, I knew Dan wouldn't be in them and he wouldn't be able to find me in the bathroom again. That was merely embarrassing and I didn't want another reason for people to hate me, he'd probably tell everyone I was crying if he saw me. And then I'd be the one getting bullied and not him. It would pass the weight of his shoulders onto mine. I think anyone would do anything to do that.

There were many whispers around me as I walk down towards maths. But everyone looked away from me as I walked past them hiding their friends. What had actually happened? Maybe I just looked rough. Well, I did look different, that was probably it.

"Oh look who it is," somebody said to their friend. What had happened, where they even on about me or was it just everything that had happened was making it seem like it was my fault. I needed to know.

Maybe Chris would know, he's an acquaintance of mine, let's be honest I didn't really know him apart from he was in my next class and he was friends with PJ and dan.   
"Chris why's everyone looking at me"  
He was pausing and looking around, he looked nervous   
"You've not seen have you, Phil.."  
"Chris what's happened, tell me !"  
I said it a little too abrupt but I was annoyed what had happened involving me!

He passed me his phone it's a video of me and Dan, hugging, it didn't just look like that tho. I looked like I was straddling him, there was a blurred part as well. It made us look like two sluts who did it behind the bushes, or it looked like I'd raped dan because he had cuts and he was crying. Either of those stories I didn't want going around. 

I force Chris his phone back, I basically threw it at him. And I run, I'm not sure even where to run but I feel sick. Sick to a point where theirs no stopping it. Right now I'm currently throwing up beside a bush, hoping that all these nightmares would just leave.   
Why can't everything just be a dream ...


	13. Fool

Dans pov  
I didn't sleep last night  
God, I wish that video wasn't going around the school.  
I can't believe Phil would let this happen!  
I can't believe I almost fell for him.  
You're just a fool to keep pretending that you're loving me  
I go to school, the usual routine. My eyes avert straight to the shouting boy in the halls, my waking pace increases as my heart does too.  
It's Pj.

He was shouting at Sarah, something about her having no rights. Immediately I head over to them to see what's happening.   
"PJ what's happening, is everything okay?" I say giving Sarah an annoyed glare.  
This is all her fault after all.  
"Go away freak, this is none of your fucking business" she spits out.  
"Sarah shut you disgusting *insert desgustang meme* bitch leave Dan alone. Haven't you done enough damage!" Pj shouts at her.  
Despite everything Pj has always been there for me, stuck up for me. Even now when a video that looked like Phil was raping me was going around the school like a never-ending flu, he is here defending me.  
I've never realised how much I appreciate what he does for me.

Whilst I was having an inner monologue, I didn't notice that Sarah had stormed off somewhere.  
I turn to see Pjs green eyes smiling right at me " Sorry about all that, I was trying to get her to take the video down, I guess you saw how well that went." His mouth turns up into an adorable smile as he laughs a small chuckle.   
It's at this point I realise how close we were standing. I could feel his warm breath against my face. I couldn't help but smile. A small, delicate curl falls down and gently rests on his cheek as if it was meant to be there.   
His eyes closed as he leans in towards me. I could feel what was going to happen. His perfectly proportioned face getting closer to mine as every second goes by. Time felt like it had been slowed down.  
Until I saw him.

In the corner of my eye, I saw Phil, glaring intensely at us. A mixture of hurt and jealousy in his eyes.  
My hand instantly pulls on PJs shirt, causing our lips to collide and taking him by surprise. I kiss him with all my passion, taking in the feeling of his soft lips against mine. I feel him slide his arm around my waist pulling me in closer as I wrap my arms tightly around his neck, deepening the kiss even further.   
We were now in sync. 

I felt the adrenaline rush throughout my body making me crave more. I move my tongue towards his mouth asking for entrance. He does so and our tongues flow around each others. Neither of us has come up for air yet. The lack of oxygen just made it even more intoxicating. 

I could do this forever. 

The sound of the bell ringing brings our kiss to an end as we both pull away. I rest my forehead against him, both of us panting for breath. I open my eyes to meet his as my mouth turns into the biggest smile.   
"Wow, that was nice," I said awkwardly, still grinning like an idiot.  
"Yeah, didn't know you could do that Howell."  
"Oh shut up" I laughed.

He pressed another kiss against my cheek and headed to lesson. My heart was still pounding.   
That was more than I've ever gotten out of Phil. It felt wrong but so fucking right at the same time.   
I turn to go to art and see the slender figure of Phil as I pass by. His eyes were locked to me. But I couldn't make him out. He just looked emotionless. I know for a fact he saw the kiss,  
Maybe I was just being a fool believing we had something.


	14. Wake me up when september ends

Phils POV  
The innocence can never last  
Last night was hell, my mum and dad had found out I hadn't gone to any of my lessons that day. They screamed words down at me, asking me for answers. Like it was written on my skin, I couldn't tell them why.  
My mum got the maddest, maybe because she wanted me to succeed and be a footballer and get lots of money, but obviously, that wasn't going to happen not now, not after she saw me with a boy, it meant nothing!  
I went up to my bedroom after dinner and later on my bed lifeless, I felt like I'd lost my only hope of getting out of the mess I was in. I'd pushed him away to protect him and me from more damage, was I just being selfish.  
I picked up my phone and scrolled through Instagram, pictures of people smiling with their friends. It made me remember what I'd lost, I'd come to a point where I didn't have friends did I? I clicked on Dan's profile cute little pictures of him with flowers and animals, such a sweet boy. You wouldn't believe he's the same boy I love. It hurt to know that my chances with him were bleak, as well my mum she wouldn't agree and well dan probably hates me now anyway. 

I clicked on message, I was going to apologise to Dan, for saying what I said. As now looking back on it, I wanted him to stay with me. I wanted him to talk to me, but he left, maybe because I'd told him too and he felt intimidated.  
Hi, dan I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it it was harsh I know I just didn't know what to do. I'd explain but it's hard. Well, I'm sorry okay. You don't deserve to be shouted at like that.  
Seen  
Pain and anger flooded my body. He'd just left me on seen.

Was  
I  
Really  
That  
Bad?  
It's not something you could reply too but even a k or thanks would have been nice. I felt a little stupid now, to say the least. You know when you get embarrassed because you've done something and you've been outed by someone. Ye, it kinda felt like that.  
Maybe I'll just wake up tomorrow a fresh start. Although sleeping proved harder than I thought.

The next day 

I wake up usual process dress, teeth, breakfast. My clothes were a little screwed up from last night as I'd just thrown them on the chair. Maybe I'll be more careful next time. The walk to school wasn't terrible. It was cold though it was getting late September and the winds were picking up and the sun wasn't shining as it used too. I wish these bruises would leave my arms. They were kinda ugly, to say the least.  
The doors fly open as a surge of children flood into the school. People with scarves on to keep warm in the bitter temperatures. I'd noticed a few people looking at a certain pair of people. Sarah gave me a dirty look as she stormed past me, which morphed into a revengeful smirk. I decided I'd walk further towards the people. See what was happening. 

I wish I hadn't 

If I could unsee that memory I would, I would erase it far far away and never let it see light again. Because of Dan with his sweet lips of PJs bitter cold ones. Made my stomach turn. And my throat tighten.  
My heart felt like it had been ripped into so many pieces when dan slammed his face harder into PJs then he saw me, it was not beautiful in any way. It was forced and rushed, and rough in all the wrong ways. Dan's face didn't mound to PJs like I imagined it would to mine. No matter how perfect they thought it was, I didn't. Trust me they got a few stares  
I'd realised I couldn't miss any more lessons due to a teenage crush. That literally crushed my heart. Maybe that's why they call it that. Because When you get turned down it's the worse feeling in the world. All your self-esteem goes and your confidence levels drop below negative 100. It's a harsh reality. 

Dan's face was cold yet warm he was flustered from all the kissing and lack of oxygen, yet cold and pale. His pale skin lacking any feeling, why did he do it. He would probably say PJ did it to him, knowing dan If anyone asked. Like I said anyone would push that kind of stuff onto someone else, and that's just how dan was. 

I admired him for being strong, but not for when he lied and faked himself out of things. It wasn't fair on people. I still stand emotionless with a blank expression across my face staring down the corridor. At the place, they once stood. I start to walk forward and I pass Dan. I look him straight into the eyes, brown glittering everywhere. 

I know why you did it, and it's okay 

Just wake me up when September ends


	15. Toxic

It was Monday again and I'm still thinking about that kiss. 

Taste of your lips, I'm on a ride

I can't believe that happened between Pj and me, we've only ever been friends.   
My head hurts so fucking much and I feel drained from the lack of sleep I got. Sometimes I just can't sleep, especially after something big happening.  
Anyway, eventually, I get to school. I search the crowd of the hall for the curly haired boy, but with no luck. I see Phil amongst them all, but he doesn't even look my way.  
I didn't really expect him to tho.

The bell rings and I head to class alone, like every other time. It was Geography, boring as ever.   
Pj didn't show either.

Mindlessly, I copy down what the teacher writes on the board and find myself lost in thought.  
So much has happened these past weeks.  
So much has changed.

I jerk my head up, letting out a small "toast" as the bell rings for the next lesson.  
The whole way to art I walk with my head glued to the ground, trying to not let my eyes close. I come to a stop as a familiar smell enters my nostrils.   
I had just walked into someone.   
My head tilts up slowly and meets with the familiar smell of lynx, Phil.  
I just walked away, faster and faster to reach art  
Even though Phil was in my class he sat very far away from me.

Halfway through the teacher talking I feel my Apple Watch vibrate so I look to see what happened.   
It was a text from Pj  
New message from : My little explorer🖤  
Come meet me in the toilets pretty boy <3  
So he was in school? I really want to know why he wasn't in Geography.   
I whip out my time out pass (one of the perks of my Tourette's) and show the teacher and she let me leave, well she had to.  
I open the towering door to the toilets to see Pj standing in front of the mirror fixing his glasses.  
"Hey there you are, where have you been?"  
I say leaning in to give him a peck on the lips.  
We briefly kiss then he replies,  
"The bus was late so I had to walk, at least I missed Geography though."

A smug smile grows on his face as he wraps his arms around my neck.

"I've missed you, Friday was amazing." He says

"I've missed you too"

Dejavú *insert dejavú meme song* takes over as before I know it Pj leans in a pressed his lips to mine. The last kiss started off slow and gradually built up. This one, however, was incredibly passionate about the start.   
There was so much power in it.

Our hands moved all over each other's bodies, remembering what this felt like before. Once again Pj was craving so much more as he walks and leads me into one of the cubicles, our lips still connected.  
He pushes me against one of the walls and stares at me, then down.   
I knew exactly what he wanted and he could tell.

My member had become so hard and I was starting to feel impatient with it.   
I nod my head in response to Pj then we start to kiss again. The air became hard to breathe with the tension and lust that filled it.

He started to unbutton my shirt and ran his fingers down my spine. The kisses travelled from my lips slowly to my neck. I was feeling so much pleasure, pleasure, as I'd never known, was possible. I let out moans and that only made him kiss me harder. But the biggest moan came when he hit my sweet spot. Pj noticed this and focused his pressure on that fucking spot. Shivers went down my back his hands moved down to my trousers, undoing them and allowing my member to be free. *insert breaking free* They fell down, my boxers quickly following them. Pjs hand wraps tightly around my growing member and moves down my shaft. He moves his hand up and down, getting faster by the second. 

"I'm- im going to come" I manage to force out  
"Just keep going baby, just keep-"

My whole body finally relaxed and I felt the best sensation. I had released all over Pjs hand, covering him in the white juices. Moans escaped my mouth as the pressure had gone.   
Our heads levelled and eyes met, then Pj got down on the floor. He started to kiss my hips, then lowering down and down. He put my covered member in his mouth and sucks, his tongue moving around it. He swallows the pulls back, from shaft to tip, then goes back in.

"You taste so good Howell" Pj moans  
Whilst being so immersed I didn't hear the toilet door open.  
" YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING SLUT DAN"   
My heart drops as I hear the voice of Phil Lester, saying words I'd never even thought he was capable of.  
I really didn't want anyone to know about this, especially not him. Now the whole schools gonna know.  
And after that other incident, oh for fuck's sake why me.

By now Pj had stood up and I was already getting my clothes back on.

"Are you-" 

"Just shut up Pj, -fuck-, please." I cut him off and say, more sad than angry.

After an awkward goodbye, I walk out of school.  
I really cannot be dealing with this, I just can't take it.

I'm slipping under


	16. If you cant hang

Phils POV

And she's found somebody new 

"YOUR SUCH A FUCKING SLUT DAN"

I can't believe I gained myself fucking break detention too see where that little slut is. To find him getting sucked off by Pj. So pathetic. No wonder he had left for 10 mins.   
He seemed upset this morning so I wondered if he was okay, I tried you know, talking to him. He didn't seem to care, I still do tho. So of course when he left halfway through art, I wondered if he was okay because he'd used his time out pass. He only uses it when he's in a bad state or his ticks are bad.  
And  
Well  
After this morning I thought maybe something had happened so I thought I better check up on him see if he's okay, at the time I didn't care if I missed my break because it's not like I had anyone to go see, as long as I knew Dan was okay. And that question was going through my head was he okay? The constant thought of him sitting alone crying or doing something worst was playing on my mind and it wouldn't go away. I just had to find out whether he was okay. I would have killed myself if I hadn't of gone and something bad happened.  
And then I heard noises coming from the bathroom, I had no clue what the fuck it was till I heard Dan's voice. Dan Howells fucking voice. Moaning PJs name. Fuck I was pissed. I'd wasted my time to find him like this. It wasn't right or fair. It wasn't meant to be PJ!

I hope he takes your filthy heart 

I'm returning back to class, walking down the stingy corridors which are plastered in bright posters, that are meant to cheer people up. There just to make the school look good.   
The carpet comes to an end where the door to my class is. I feel almost a little embarrassed to go back in but I suppose I'd just have too. I open the door and walk and sit in a seat at the back of the class again. I get a few faces turn at me but all most instantly turn away again. I put my head down and look into my work that's just a pile of scribbles, to be honest, how was I meant to finish this when I couldn't even concentrate 

The time in art went quick, well quicker than I thought, break was finally here. I had to wait behind, which was pretty shit. I had a huge talk with the teacher about how I should be doing work and not staring into space. And that I should use my morning for efficiency then asking to go to the toilet in their lesson again. It was all pathetic useless words that they said. I didn't see the point in them lecturing me about behaviour, because who listens anyway?

He let me go after 5 mins and said I needed a break to clear my head for the next lesson and maybe I will actually do work. Which I found a little offence not going to lie, but I thanked them and walked out.  
I was just walking around aimlessly, hearing people talk but this time not about me. They were talking and I thought it is about me and that video. Maybe that was old news. 

I had managed to stumble across Chris, not like he probably even liked me. But he was alone and it seemed better to spend the remainder of break with him then for both of us to look like loners. That was socially terrible at our school.   
"Hey Chris"  
"Um hi Phil, you okay"  
This convo had already got off to a bad start I felt like.   
"Ye I'm okay, you ?"  
"Well..."  
He seemed unsure, he seemed uneasy again. Just like when I had stormed up to him that day asking about what had happened. Maybe he was just scared of me.  
"Hey Chris I can go if you don't want me here"  
When I said this he frantically waved his arms around and telling me to stay, so what had happened. To seriously make him this anxious.  
"Stay please.."  
"Okay, what's wrong tho? You seem a little on edge"  
"Oh really, well"  
Obviously, something was up there was no denying it, he probably got dumped or he liked a girl and she was standing nearby.  
"I'm probably not meant to tell you but you'll find out soon enough, anyway.."  
"What is it Chris you can tell me you know, it's not like I have any friends to get tell"  
I laughed trying to make him feel a little easier whatever he was about to tell me I felt like he didn't want to hear himself. He walked a little closer to me and signalled me to put my head close to his ear to hear what he was about to say.  
"Pj sucked Dan's dick"  
I had to act surprised as if I didn't know, this was no new news to me. But why had he found out? It wouldn't surprise me if dan thought it was me because I technically saw. In theory, it would make sense for me to have told everyone because that would make sense, Dan didn't like me I avoided him and I needed a new story to cover the last one about me. But if one person knows something by the end of the day it would have contaminated everyone else, with its dirty secrets and awful outcomes . It's incurable .  
"Wow, um Chris who told you this.."  
Why was I scared to hear what he was about to say, why was I scared he was going to say my name because someone thought it is a good joke. To tell everyone I said it, to blame me.   
"Pj"  
The name pierced my ears. The awful name, the name that made me want to scream and shout. Was Dan even okay with this? He wasn't seen after art again . Where is he? Did he leave because he heard everyone was saying stuff like this? He'll probs get told by Pj that it was me! But it wasn't, it didn't matter how much I hated Pj for it I would never hurt Dan, no matter how much I wanted revenge on Pj, I cared about dan and his feelings more, even if I didn't show it.   
"No fucking way, why would he say that stuff about himself?"  
"He doesn't care Phil , he wants people to think he's cool no matter the outcome, it's why I'm not so close to him anymore"

"What happened to dan ?!"

"Well, Pj did return to business about 10 mins to end so he could register, because his bus was late. Well we all know how he was sucki-"

I cut Chris off I couldn't bear hearing him say that again, eugh it was horrible 

"Dan didn't return to art, so where the fuck is he?"

"I don't know Phil , but I feel like he knows"

"Knows what Chris?"

"About everyone knowing that's why he walked off, he's probs still on grounds. Just sitting on the field it's ded out there"

"That little bitch!"

"Phil please don't do anything stupid, I know you care about Dan, maybe go find him. And talk to him before Pj tells him that you told everyone because we both know-"

"Wait you know I went to the bathroom?"

"Pj said when he told me"

"So why you tell me again ?"

"You asked"

"Fair point, well before I go find Dan, I'm going to sort that mother fucker out first!"

"Phil !"

I was already running off to find that little twat, who seems to have hurt Dan so badly. I was so mad because I knew he was going to blame me as well, just to make dan hate me even more. That's how much he fucking hated me. And I hated his guts. I never wanted to see his face again. He's already taken Dan off me. And already some people were looking at me. As I raced down the corridors.   
If you can't hang, there's the door

"Oh, Phil, what a shock seeing you here. Thought you'd be off telling tales like you normally do"

He cackled, I could almost smell the sweat off him, 

"You little shit!"  
At this point he was just winding me up he wanted to annoy me, he was asking for it.

"Now now Phil no need to be using that language, I'm sure Dan will have a few words for you, oh look he's coming now, your fu-"

I'd cut his last words off, with my hand against his face. He went from tan to red in the shape of my hand. Maybe slapping him was a little pathetic but it sure did the trick. He stood there holding his face. It was pathetic.

"I hope you learn your lesson you little bitch!"  
I screamed hoping he got the word.

"You pathetic twat Phil!"

Stay the hell away 

While sit here by myself


	17. A change of heart

Dans Pov  
Everybody knows.

I hear their voices match with their heads turn as I walk past.  
I was just walking around, nowhere specific, down the main hall.  
And put it on the Internet

Then I saw Phil, he was facing Pj, looking incredibly annoyed at him.  
Before I could figure out what was happening I saw his hand swing and him hit Pj.   
What. Why.   
I start to run towards him to see if he was okay, but before I could reach him, Phil turned around, looking me straight in the eye  
"You really should be more careful who you get with, the whole school knows and it's not even been a day." He says in an annoyed tone

"Well they wouldn't know if you kept your-toast- mouth closed and didn't spread shit around!

"What are you on about? I didn't say a word. It was that twat." He says pointing to Pj who is now looking very alarmed.  
Chris walks up behind and stands next to Pj, wanting to know what's happening.

"No, he would never say things like that," I said half unsure turning to Pj for reassurance.  
He hesitantly shakes his head

" Of course not Dan, it has to be Phil, why would I say anything."  
I turn to Phil with an annoyed glare on my face.

When you were coming across as clever

"You believe him over me? Wow. Look you can even ask Chris, everyone already knew before I even got back to lesson so how could I have told people."

I just stare, guilt washing over my face. I'm so stupid. I didn't even think things through. It's literally impossible for Phil to have told people.

"Exactly," Phil says turning and storms to the field (roadman yard ;)  
I run after him, trying to catch up. 

"Phil wait-fuck-I'm sorry"  
By the time I finally catch up he was standing at the back of the field near the bushes smoking. By this point, I was close to tears and out of breath, basically a complete mess.

"Phil I'm so sorry, I should have listened to you. Please hear me out I understand if-"

"Oh just shut up" 

I was interrupted by Phil forcefully pressing his lips to mine.   
We were kissing.  
We were actually kissing.  
I was kissing Phil Lester.  
And it felt so right.

Oh, I just had a change of heart


	18. Camisado

Phils POV

It's been 3 days since that kiss, I didn't regret it one bit. 

The days have been long, I'm unsure what to do, very unsure really. Because we've talked and all most acted like nothing happened, of course, Dan still smiles at me and gives me hugs but they don't feel the same. They still give me the nervous butterflies every time but I all most feel like we've just pushed everything that happened in the past and to be honest it was killing me. 

Of course, it's okay to push the past away, like things that should be forgotten but when large events happen and you just push them back that's what annoys me. Maybe Dan didn't forget maybe dan went home and wrote it in his pastel diary to never forget it. Maybe he went home and told his parents about the events that happened, he seemed pretty open about things. So it wouldn't surprise me , you know what I did? I went home after school and thought about it for the rest of the nights, creating large bags under my eyes. Which dan questioned me about constantly throughout the day, I told him I didn't sleep well. He obviously cared and that's what I love about him. What I love about him. Do I even love him, for fuck sake Phil, of course, you do. You were literally jealous when someone else got to taste him and it wasn't you. Wow, I sure am pathetic sometimes. 

Like I said the days dragged . My parents, they were nicer to me, I didn't spend much time with them because I didn't want them ruling my life. But soon I'd be able to leave just a few more months to go, and then technically I'd be a free man. I don't see how they should control who I should love and what I should be. Maybe I want to be an artist instead of a footballer. Maybe I love boys instead of girls. 

In fact, I do, I love a boy. Who wears pastel yellow 

It sure ain't normal but we deal, we deal 

It's Saturday and I'm going to meet dan and the park, we need to talk things through. He also agreed because we were living with this large bag of uncertainty on our backs. It wasn't that I wanted a definite answer I just wanted to know where we were going to go with us.

I tread on the crisp leaves with my shoes as I walk along the path towards the park. It's pretty, the flowers all dying and the bushes losing every leaf. Everyone's wearing hats and scarves, I'm just in my jacket. I seem a little underdressed to be fair. A leaf falls off the tree and falls on to my arm but gently rolls off it. My glasses are steaming up because I've been walking for about 10 mins and it's cold and my breath is warm causing them to steam up. I wipe them with my sleeve and place them back on my head. Making the pastel boy about 20 feet ahead of me come into focus. He waves so I wave back too. 

Your a regular decorated emergency 

We now practically face to face. It's all most awkward and the gentle butterflies in my tummy start to flap around a little more. Causing me to feel a little nauseous.   
The boy makes me lightheaded. 

He's in a pastel yellow sweater and some blue jeans for a change. The sweater was a little too big for him and hanging off his shoulders exposing his lightly tanned skin. Which I urged to touch and claim it mine. His hands were covered by the long sleeves of his sweater. He was so beautiful. I loved everything about him.

"Hi," Dan said 

"Hi, want to go sit on the bench" I replied.

"Ye I've been walking for ages, it's nice to see you"

"You say it like you haven't seen me since last year"

"Well yesterday feels like last year"  
We both laughed. I placed my hand in my pocket and my other rested awkwardly on my knee. 

"What you want then, sorry if it sounded rude I'm not really sure how to word it"  
He giggled nervously 

"Oh it's okay don't worry, um well Friday? oh Thursday"

"Thursday?" It almost as If he didn't remember 

"Ohhhhh thursdayyyy , that was one day packed full of adventures.." he trailed off  
We both looked at each other staring into the abyss of each other's eyes, a blue ocean with waves that came crashing on the dark oak ones and when the sun shone on them it looked like stars danced around in them. 

"Well, I thought maybe we should talk about it, I mean like. What do you want to happen? Do u even want anything to happen? Am I over thinking it? You don't even have to sit here actually, you can just leave? I mean stay Please?"

"Wow Phil Lester to say you meant to be a cool kid, you really do get nervous"  
He laughed jokingly 

"Trust me I'm not a cool kid anymore and I only get nervous around you .."  
I trailed off

"You don't have to be"

"I can't help it"  
There was a silence that fell between us. Almost so close yet so far 

"Well, Phil I don't know if you feel the same but someone has to admit it one time and I might as well, I do like you. And that's not just me trying to make you feel better or not let you down easy and change my mind in a week, Pj he was a just a way to try and get you off my mind, I did enjoy it for a while. But I knew deep down it wasn't meant to be or it was it going to last. And Phil when you didn't talk to me, I felt broken like you'd given up on everything I tried for, I tried so hard for. And I'm sorry for what you had to see, we'll hear. But you're the only one that I care about. I'd do so much for you, I'd walk the ends of earth and back again, and your smile it's so beautiful when you actually smile. And that's what I want to see every day."  
Silence 

"Phil? Are u still alive?"

I kissed him again, my mind told me too, because this boy made me happy and I was smiling. For the first time in too long, it felt. The things he said was so lovely. And they were truthful he really meant it I could feel it. And I felt sorry for him and I wanted to make it up to him, regardless and this was only just the begging of my making it up to him.

He almost melted into the kiss, kissing me back with so many emotions, we were in the middle of a park but for some reason, we didn't care the bystanders were oblivious to us. We didn't notice them they didn't notice us. Dan pushed his face into mine seeping the kiss and grabbing hold of my chin. To say he was meant to be the soft pastel boy he really did know how to kiss. Before we went any further we had to pull away gasping for air. Before we literally died 

"So I take that as I you like me too?" He giggled

"Yes yes, I do Dan so very very much !"

"Well, what happens now ?"

"I know this is cringe and shit but like do you wanna go out ?"

"Yes" He wispered gently into my ear


	19. Demolition Lovers

Dans POV

The air of a new Monday fills my body with anxiety again, the papers which are lugging my body down as I tread through the sleet. The rain, well kind of snow is making my fingers turn an icy blue and make my body shiver and shake.   
I finally posted the last one through the letterbox and headed off towards school. Ditching the dirty sack off back at home. Before picking up my slightly more enjoyable pastel one. Even though Phil is the complete opposite to me, we seemed to fit perfectly. It was strange really but that's what made our love great.

After all the things we put each other through 

I stroll up to the gates and a warm hand grasps mine, at first I'm a little shocked but then I realise it's only Phil. He gently kisses my forehead.   
"Someone's having a good day I see"

"Haha yep, just feeling happy"

"Well I'm glad to hear it" I respond 

We walk hand in hand down the corridors gaining a few looks especially just after the recent incident with Pj . Wait what would he do if he saw us, well fine he'd have to grin and bare it.   
Of course, we started our day off with some geography, I kinda liked geography because I could sit staring at Phil and he didn't notice, others thought I was weird tho. There was something about Phil that enticed me and wanted me to get closer to him. His sweet little smile and when he laughs his tongue pokes out the side. He really is just extraordinary.

We'll show them all how much we mean 

The day ended off with a really crappy English lesson. Who even enjoys English? As soon as got near the gates. I felt warm hands creep around the back of me, a little startling at first until I realised that it was Phil when he nuzzled his head into my neck. I felt his hair tickling my neck. 

"Phi-l your tick-ling m-e-e"

"Sorry"  
He rubbed his hair into my neck making me flinch and laugh, which made him laugh at my pouting expression after he'd finished messing with me.

"Whyy don't you come back to mine, I miss you and I feel like I've not seen my favourite person all day"

"But won't-t your parents mind"

"Nope there out" He said smiling 

"Okay alright then"

"Yay"  
He was like a happy child that had just been given some sweets, but I loved him. He was such a spork sometimes 

hand in mine, into your icy blues

When we finally arrived at Phil's I sent my mum a message saying I was round Phils for a bit and not to worry. She was happy for me and was glad I found someone I liked. I was quite open to them so I did go home and tell her that I'd got a boyfriend because she'd find out sooner or later.

Phil started kissing me, as soon as we stepped a foot inside the door basically. He'd plonked his bag down and I did so next to his. Just in the doorway.  
"Your very excitable today"

"I've missed you"  
He says placing soft kisses all over my face 

"I've missed you too"  
I grab his chin and pull it towards me, connecting our lips, his were soft yet rough and sweet. They were better than anyone else's and if I didn't have to I'd keep them on my body all day long. As they felt so good. I lick the bottom of his lip asking for entrance he obliges and lets me in, letting me explore his mouth. He starts to nibble on the bottom of my lip. While I practically suck on his making it red and plump. He wraps his arms around my neck deepening the already intimate kiss. We have to break apart from this lovely thing after a few mins as breathing through our noses doesn't give enough oxygen when we're all stuffed up. 

"Do you want to carry this on .." Phil whispers near my ear his hot breath making it tingle 

"Yes" I reply back shallowly   
He grabs my hand and we walk off to his bedroom making sure to close the blinds because some good shit was about to go down and the neighbours probably didn't want to see. 

"I thought boys like you behaved"

"Well I'm just an exception"  
I kiss him again, showing him I wasn't all he thought I was. Good boys can have a little fun Sometimes too. Between kisses he pulls at my sweater removing it from over my head, exposing my lightly tanned skin, he rubbed his tender hands against my chest, making me a little hard down below, I'm not going to lie. I removed Phil's t-shirt and chucked it with mine. His cream flesh being on the show was a really big turn on, he was just beautiful inside and out. He had his body up against mine when he pushed me onto his bed. Him now looking over me and he leans down and kisses me slowly but with passion and excitement. 

"Top or bottom"

"Looks like you've already decided"  
I smirked at him. 

"Oh looks like I have"  
He straddled me sitting on my hips and his legs spread across and he leans down and touches my chest. Making the growing member inside my trousers get bigger. His mouth makes contact with my skin, proving that I'm his. I lean forward and do the same leaving a purple mark on his neck, I wasn't going to be the only one who got a hickey tonight.   
He pulls at my trousers 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes, it's what I've waited for," I say placing a light kiss on his forehead.

He removes my trousers and I undo him, he slides them off after he gets out of the awkward position he's in. I trace my fingers up and down his chest stopping when I get towards his boxers line where I just run my finger around the brim of them pulling them down slightly exposing the growing body inside his underwear. Phil then places kisses down my chest leading towards my member he stops and sucks around the area for a while making little sweet gasps escape my mouth. This only made him more turned on and a smile grew on his face. He wanted this almost as much as I did.

"Just fuck me already," I say a little impatient 

"If you say so princess"  
Phil tells me to turn over onto all fours and he pulls off my underwear along with his. It's not the first time I've seen a dick but he had a pretty good one I must say. Phil placed one finger inside of me stretching me out then he placed another scissoring his long fingers inside me. He purposely missed my prostate as he wanted to get the climax as well. He placed three fingers inside me and started scissoring again making sure I was fully stretched before he did anything. 

"Ready?"  
I replied with an "mhm"

"Tell me if it hurts "

"Okay"  
And with that, he placed his already lubed up dick inside me, fuck it felt good. Finally, someone who was good at sex, all the others were a bit stingy and never shoved their dick inside me, This is just another reason to love Phil. Fuck he was hitting my prostate and small moans were coming out of my mouth, I was quite vocal in anything and I soon learned I was in sex too. 

"You're doing so well princess," he said sweetly   
I could feel the burning sensation in the pit of my stomach as Phil reached and touched my already hard dick. His hands trailing over it with his magic touch. I could feel myself coming to a climax.

"Phil I'm close"  
It wasn't long before I was Cumming onto his hand, then he picked up the speed and rode out my climax to reach his own, after a few minutes he released into me. Not even warning me but that was the best part. The act of surprise. He pulled his member out of me and grabbed some wet wipes and started to clean up the mess we made. We both placed our boxers back on and he came and laid next to me on his bed.

"Thank you that was really fucking amazing"

"It's okay princess you did great, you'll be a little sore tho soon"  
He said placing a gentle kiss on my forehead, his hands playing in my hair wrapping his fingers around the curls, it was relaxing. I laid next to him thinking about what happened and how I would love to do this in years to come.  
To let you know how much you mean


	20. Play date

The day was cold and the morning was brisk. They'd woken up beside each other in the comfort of Dans home, they'd stayed at Phil's a couple of nights before and seen as October half term was here they could stay with each other all week and after Phil's parents realised they were just overreacting about him and dan, Phil wanted to spend every minute with him . 

Dan's bed was warm with too half-dressed bodies in it, chests touching as they breathe in and out in sync. It's 11 am and the frost off the cars is begging to melt. They'd stayed up late after Phil found something very kinky in Dan's possession. 

They wanted to try it out. He'd found a pair of lace underwear poking out the top of Dans draws, of course, dan was slightly embarrassed about his boyfriend finding out about his pair of kinky lace panties. Phil didn't seem to care tho. The clock was displaying 11:26 pm, they were both tired but still up for a little excitement. 

"Put them on"  
Dan had hidden in his blankets before Phil said anything and emerged from them when Phil said that.

"Why ?"

"I bet you'd look cute" Phil smirked 

"Fine just for you"

"Love you princess"

"Love you too"  
Dan returned with these, well very attractive underwear on. They were right around his arse and he was literally wearing nothing, but the hoodie that was covering him. Phil approached him and whispered sultrily into his ear.

"Your so fucking beautiful princess"

"Thank you, daddy"  
Remember when they met and Dan made the mistake of calling Phil daddy, at least this time it was intentional 

"At least you said daddy at the right time, sweetheart"

"What do you want"

"You, daddy wants you"

"Maybe I've been a bad boy and deserve punishing"

"Well daddy can sort that out, how bad have you been"

"Really naughty"

"Well I'll have to punish you well, my little pumpkin"

"Pleaseee daddy, punish me"

"You'll have to be quiet princess, Don't want your screams waking people up"

"I'll be good daddy I prwomise"

It's getting hard to breathe under the sheets with you 

Phil knelt down above dan his legs spread either side of Dans, placing peppered kisses along his neck and he slid his hands up Dan's jumper as he worked his way down. He nibbled at the side of Dan's panties, while dan held in his gasps and load moans wanting to escape from his mouth. Phil circled his fingers around Dan's dick. Feeling Dan's back curve up under him he watched as his boyfriend was getting turned on. And that's when he pulled Dan's panties down. Phil took dan in whole. He wasn't going to give dan his dick today because he literally had it the other day and he'd be incredibly sore, and Phil didn't want his princess in pain. He bobbed his head back and fourth dan moaning into his own mouth as Phil made him want to scream 

"Keep quiet princess"

"Okay daddy"

Dan was close but he didn't want to tell Phil because he wanted it to be a surprise when he came into his mouth, he liked being naughty. And then he came inside of Phil's mouth, Dan giggled as he watched Phil swallow it down in one gulp. Phil let go of Dan's dick and curled up beside him in bed and pulled the covers over them.

"Well done princess you did daddy proud "

"Thankyou dadddy"

Just me and you and you and me alone 

The day was cold and the morning was brisk, the pair had finally got up of the sleep that encased them, the frost had melted off the cars and the air was warming slightly.  
When you think about all what they'd gone through they did deserve happiness with each other because happiness is one of those things where you only come across it once in a while and when you do, you should grab hold of it and never let go. Because what makes you happy is what makes you want to live, sometimes life is hard without happiness. 

You can only define happiness when you've been sad you can only experience happiness when you've not been happy and the two boys have both been unhappy before. Yet in each other's arms, they found what makes them want to live. A person can change your life forever regardless if they've only been there for a few hours days or years. You have to work hard to make something happen and that's what they did, they tried they're very best to work with what they've got, you can only try. 

Sadness Is a feeling that everyone experiences, even when they seem like the happiest person. When Phil Lester one of the most popular kids at school seemed happy. He wasn't he was stuck in this social society cycle that he got dragged into, being the guy who was rad and had lots of girlfriends. Which were mainly just a cover up for his love for boys, especially Daniel Howell. Dan, on the other hand, felt a very different sadness when he felt like he'd lost the most important person too him. He nearly lost Phil and after all the time with PJ he realised that maybe he just had to try harder and read between the lines because even if Phil didn't tell him what was wrong . He'd have to think and try and give him some empathy.  
Even if he had to give up on Pj. 

Sometimes something begins beautiful and ends horribly only to be reconstructed by a person into something pretty again. 

"Dan"

"Yes Phil"

"Talk to me"

"Why ?"

"Just talk"

"I love you Phil Lester, they boy who was rad and ended up with me the gay lord. Your so cute and lovely and kind, I don't know what I'd do without you" Dan said blindly  
Phil kissed Dan softly

"Your tourrets!"

"What about them?"

"They're gone dan they're gone !"

"I didn't notice!"  
Dan was so happy no more bullying because of them and finally, he could construct a sentence without the word toast or dad coming up in it.

"Phil, oh my god. thankyou"

"Why are you thanking me Dan ?"

"They went away when I was with you, when I'm with you they're gone but when I wasn't when I was with PJ I still had them, it's you Phil. You make me feel at ease so I don't have to be scared, you are so wonderful !"

"Dan ! I'm so proud of you, I really am!"

"I love you Phil"

"I love you too"  
Dan kissed his boyfriend almost a little too passionately 

Phil lit up Dan's life and made everything so much lighter

And they're story went as simple as one, two, three...


	21. Fin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> epilogue coming soon .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> epilogue coming soon .

epilogue coming soon .


End file.
